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Visiting relatives can be a pain. Especially if you have to be a city guide. My mum had communicated with a vivid tone of voice: „You know, Michał, next Saturday aunt Maryla comes to Warsaw. With her three cousins.” Ugh. I didn’t really like the cousins. There are two small girls, four and seven years old, so you can imagine we don’t really have any common topics. And there is their older sister. Laura is eighteen, like me, but we never got on well. What can I talk about with a swot?

Last time auntie managed to list all her achievements in half an hour, which included Maths Competition, Physics Competition, CAE and the championship in dancing. She is pretty and perfect and I always feel very bad when I see her. „You will have to show them some… I don’t know… cultural aspect of Warsaw…’ my mother continued. „I will have to?” – I couldn’t believe. „But…’ „I am on conference on Saturday, back home on Sunday” my mother explained. „You will have to organize something”, she added. I was despaired, but then I thought it would be easy, wouldn’t it? There are so many things to do in Warsaw. „No problem”, I said. And didn’t think about it until they really came on Friday evening…
I picked them up from the station and… there was another girl, Laura’s friend. „I hope it won’t be a problem”, aunt Maryla chirped. It wasn’t. Zuzanna was… well, dark hair, big brown eyes, beautiful soft lips… I couldn’t help gazing at her. The only thing was I didn’t really know where she was supposed to sleep, but this I decided to solve later. „So, what are we going to do tomorrow?”, auntie asked and put on big, dark glasses although it was eight p.m. „That’s a secret”, I answered and shuddered. I had no idea…

When they were already asleep I decided to surf the Internet for some information. A gallery in the morning, then lunch in some fashionable place, cinema, coffee and theatre. This will do. I checked all the necessary information and felt prepared for the next day.

The day started badly when I noticed there was nothing for breakfast and then I rememebred my mum rushing for her train and shouting at me from the door „Remember to do the shopping!”. I hurried to the shop and bought fresh rolls and eggs. Only at home I realized I had bought six eggs for six people! The portions of scrambled eggs were really small. We finally managed to leave which was an achievement as my youngest cousin decided she would rather pretend to watch „Lion the King” on DVD. Only the promise of ice-cream at McDonald’s was able to change her mind. Hurray! I thought. I had decided to see the exhibition in the Centre of Contemporary Art. The title of the exhibition was „Truth – transformation” and „Truth” appeared to be a nick name of the artist who came from Wrocław. My auntie was shocked: „They call everything art!’, she shouted. ‘What is this? Some joke? Next time when I paint my room I will have an exhibition!” „Mum, you know nothing about art. This is minimal. This is modern. Such is the tendency…” Laura started one of her lectures. I looked at Zuzanna and she was on the verge of laughter. I smiled to her and she… smiled back. Well, the exhibition was strange, but this is culture, isn’t it?

Now everybody was hungry and the little Julia rememebered unfortunately the promise we had made so the fashionable place we finally chose was Mc Donald’s. „At least the girls would be happy”, I thought. They would have been if it hadn’t been for the fact that some toy, which was shown in window, was not available. Julia made a scene and we had to leave, grasping our hamburgers and coke. Uff!

I was hot and tired, but I knew that my idea for the movies was really brilliant. We will go to Silver Screen and since there are always many options, everybody will choose an appropriate movie. The kids and aunt will see Sezon na Misia and the adults will choose something interesting. But the aunt protested: ‘I won’t watch an animated movie. I want to see the latest James Bond. The girls will watch their movie and then wait for us.’ I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea but she was their mother, wasn’t she? Well, Zuza and Laura quarreled which film to see and finally there was no compromise. Laura wanted to see the film about the Pope and we decided to see Babel. I was the happiest man in the world. The movie was brilliant and I was sitting next to the prettiest girl in the world! I was happy unil the film ended and we left the cinema and saw the aunt and Laura crying desperately. The two girls were missing! We looked everywhere and couldn’t find them, they weren’t in the cafeteria, they weren’t in the toilet! We didn’t know what to do. After an hour, when we managed to call the police and tried to call the FBI, they suddenly appeared. ‘Hi mum.’, Julia said to her mum, whose mouth was still open in terror. ‘ The movie was good, but we also wanted to see James Bond. But it was boring. We didn’t understand a word. They didn’t speak Polish!’ It was so funny!

And finally we didn’t go to theatre. Auntie Maryla was too tired. We went home and watched television. I was really suprised when they said, leaving, that it was the best weekend in their lives. And (but it is a secret!) I invited Zuzanna to come and visit me, alone. We will try to find something really worth seeing…

Improve your vocabulary!

vivid – żywy
swot – kujon
chirp – świergotać
shudder – dreszcz
despair – rozpaczać, rozpacz
scrambled eggs – jajecznica
grasp – chwycić
fashionable – modny
appropriate – właściwy
compromise – kompromis, osiągnąć kompromis